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- Wise Words -
Getting You To Yes 
by ari rosenberg

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When you think about you at work, what’s your goal?
 
Being the best version of yourself every day each week all year is the goal, I recommend we should all have.  That said, putting your best self in a cubicle every day each week year after year sounds impossible so I want to give you an idea of how to get there. 
 
It is by saying yes and meaning it that we can consistently be our best selves.
 
Saying No to No
To move to “yes” we need to do some re-engineering of our mental muscles’ reflex away from wanting to say “no” to reasonable requests from the boss. (Note: here I am talking about reasonable requests and not those that are unethical, against company policy, selling ourselves out or anything like that.)
 
Ever notice when you said “no” to reasonable requests from your parents growing up, your insides tightened and you began to second-guess yourself?  When they asked us to clean our rooms, we said no to show our strength but felt weaker inside and we denied ourselves the positive experience of a clean room.   When our parents told us to be home by 11 p.m. and we were still out past midnight, we acted courageous but felt fear inside.
 
Bosses subconsciously appear parental inviting that old feeling of disobedience.
 
We instinctively think of reasons why we should say “no” to reasonable requests made by our bosses.  We of course say yes most if not all of the time, but the difference between feigning yes versus authentically meaning it registers and reflects back on your value.
 
Changing this reflex from wanting to say no to really meaning yes is key to a monster career.  Here’s how to get you to yes and then I’ll finish with why.
 
Hello Yes
But first, an often-ignored open secret is that when your boss asks you to do something they are not really asking.  Own that and no is no longer an option.  Saying yes and meaning it reads simple but is much harder to do because your no muscle is so much stronger than your yes one. 
 
So you have to trick your muscle memory. 
 
When your boss asks you for something, instead of thinking through the reasons you want to say no, take yourself out of the equation.  Instead, immediately ask yourself why is your boss asking you to do this?  What outcome are they looking for and how does it make them look better?  You are now removed from the calculus and disconnected from any subconscious emotions to rebel.  
 
With the worst you now out of the way, yes becomes a reflex. 
 
Every “yes” should then be followed by a request for a specific deadline if one is not given.  This gives you that feeling of control you emotionally covet and a specific deadline helps make it obvious you met it. 
 
Once yes has been said emphatically and a deadline determined, ask your boss for their format preference (if applicable) so when your part is done they don’t spend time editing your chapter to the book they are presenting to their boss.
 
Let’s dive into an example. 
 
Your boss asks you to replace the toilet paper in the bathrooms. 
 
Ignore the immediate text from your cerebrum that reads “WTF” and instead ask yourself why is she asking me to do this and how will she look better when its done?  This request (as extreme as it is meant) immediately feels emotionally lighter by taking this approach.
 
Now reply “yes no problem” followed by “when would you like these new rolls in place and do you prefer the paper start over-the-top or down below?” 
 
Yes to Opportunity
So why should we fight our instincts to push back and bury our intellectual abilities to challenge our boss on most things?  Because this is about doing what is best for you not them.  Every sincere yes, followed by a deadline met and a format matched, increases your value in their eyes and makes you feel better.  A better feeling you is a better version of you.
 
This doesn’t mean the feeling of wanting to quit your job ten times a month goes away.  But when that feeling becomes too big to ignore, you now have greater options then just complaining to your boss. That never produces a good outcome.  It’s like sending your meal back to the chef.
 
Besides, your boss thinks you’re amazing.  Your saying yes to everything they ask, you meet deadlines and you fit formats. You are however, also very attractive to your next employer if you were to seek one out.
 
Every three years or so, test your own value.  Go out there and earn yourself a job offer somewhere else.  Now you can find out how much value you have created by saying and meaning yes.  Chances are very good your boss and their boss won’t let an employee like you leave and then you can decide if they have made it worth staying. 
 
Yes, that’s right you win either way.


===
Related Columns: "Manage Up to Move Up", "Manager As Partner", "Questions for Your New Manager", "Secret Skills to Managing Up"

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​Ari Rosenberg is a media dinosaur dressed digital clothing.  He started his media career buying print ads for Young & Rubicam in 1988 and then moved on to sell them for Newsweek and then Tennis Magazine before joining Snowball.com (which morphed into IGN) in 1999.   He is currently the founder of IPC Pricing.  If you want to learn about IPC or just say hello please do so – [email protected]


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More Wise Words...

Achieve: Focus on Results
​
Achieve: Leading from the Start
Achieve: Small is BIG
Achieve: Take Action
Career Management: Annual Review. A "How To"
Career Management: Annual Review. As Career Plan
Career Management: Choosing a Mentor
Career Management: Careers Happen
Career Management: Career Journey
Career Management: Mentorship Explained
​
Career Management: Post Graduate Degrees
Career Management: Promotion Frustration 
Career Management: Moving up by moving out
Career Management: Selecting Your Company
Career Management: Understand Yourself
Finances: Retirement Saving (1)
Finances: Retirement Saving (2)
Hindsight: Balance the short- with the long-term
​Hindsight: Embrace learning and your manager
Hindsight: Focus at Work
Hindsight: Millennial Reflections
Hindsight: Regrets: Time, Money & Pride
​Hindsight: Take Advice Sparingly
Hindsight: Take a Career Mulligan
​
Hindsight: Transition from College
Hindsight: Winning Nicely
Hindsight: Work hard, network, be honest. Have fun too!
Managing Up: Manage Up to Move Up
Managing Up: Manager As Partner
Managing Up: New Manager
Managing Up: Questions for your manager
Managing Up: Secret Skills for Managing Up
​
People & Teamwork: Be A Giver
​
People & Teamwork: LinkedIn As Networking
People & Teamwork: Networking Hacks
People & Teamwork: Networking as a Relationship
People & Teamwork: Networking Simplified
People & Teamwork: Teamwork As Leadership
Speedbumps: Chutes & Ladders
​
Speedbumps: Laid Off? Take A Breath
Speedbumps: Layoffs. The Afterlife
Speedbumps: Owning Mistakes
Work Life: Work Culture. America vs. UK
Work Life: Ask Why
Work Life: Be Yourself. Be Genuine
​
Work Life: Browned Out?
Work Life: Business Travel Guide
Work Life: Calendar Management
Work Life: Difficult Situations
Work Life: Focus on Fiyah!
​Work Life: Ghosting
​
Work Life: Help the Early Stage Professionals
Work Life: International Remote Working
Work Life: Pre-Vacation Checklist
Work Life: Smartphones & The Office
​Work Life: Start-Up Glamor
Work Life: Stress Management
Work Life: Take a Walk
​
Work Life: They Quit
Work Life: Unlimited Vacation
Work Life: Welcome the Newbies
Work Life: "Work" from Home

Crushing It @ Work

What Time Should I Start? 
What If I am Running Late? 
Taking Vacation
Sick Days 
Working Outside Office Hours
​
How to prepare for One/Ones
Making Meetings on Time 
Business Presentations 
Social Media, Personal Email and Hanging Out on the Web
Give it Six to Nine Months to Feel @Home
Be Your-professional-self
Staying Positive

Money Talk

The Basics
Retirement Savings Guide

Job Search Must Do's

Resume
The Application Letter 
​
The Free Conundrum: Should You Take an Unpaid Internship?
Informational Interviews 
Taking a Shortcut: Using Your Network 
Dealing with a Low GPA
​Responding to Recruiters
The Job Interview
Interview Questions
Questions You Should Ask
Simulations 
Interviews with Other Applicants
Dealing with References
Negotiating Your Salary
How to Resign (if you already have a job)
​
The First Week
You Don't Get the Job: Getting Feedback
​Keeping Motivated Through the Search

USA Today Columns

How to get started on LinkedIn: Do this, not that
Warning: Avoid smartphone shame at work.  Keep them out of sight
To succeed, be a Giver in the workplace, not a Taker
4 ghoulish personality pitfalls to steer clear of at the office
​
How to coach today's not so entitled Millennials as they join the rat race

Crushing IT

Money

Library

WISE WORDS

Bureaucracy

Copyright © 2016 - 2020
  • Home
  • Getting a job
    • Must Do's - Resume
    • Must Do's - Application Letter
    • Must Do's - Internships
    • Groundwork - Informational Interviews
    • Groundwork - Your Network
    • Groundwork - GPA Issues
    • Groundwork - Recruiters
    • Dealing with Rejection - Feedback
    • Dealing with Rejection - Keeping Motivated
    • Closing the Deal - The Interview
    • Closing the Deal - Interview Q's
    • Closing the Deal - Your Questions
    • Closing the Deal - Simulations
    • Closing the Deal - Group Interviews
    • Closing the Deal - References
    • Signing On - Salary Negotiation
    • Signing On - How to Resign
    • Signing On - First Week
  • Crushing It
    • The Hours - What Time Should I Start
    • The Hours - What If I Am Running Late?
    • The Hours - Taking Vacation
    • The Hours - Sick Days
    • The Hours - Working Outside Office Hours
    • Professional Skills - One/Ones
    • Professional Skills- Making Meetings on Time
    • Professional Skills - Business Presentations
    • Professional Skills - Social Media, Personal Email
    • A Level Head - Feeling @ Home
    • A Level Head - Be YourProfessionalSelf
    • A Level Head- Staying Positive
  • Wise Words
    • Achieve - Focus on the Results
    • Achieve - Leading from the Start
    • Achieve - Showcase Your Work
    • Achieve - Small is BIG
    • Achieve - Take Action
    • Achieve - Your New Job. A Plan
    • Career Management - Annual Review
    • Career Management - Annual Review Feedback Meeting
    • Career Management - Annual Review: How to Guide
    • Career Management - Career Contentment
    • Career Management - Careers Happen
    • Career Management - Career Journey
    • Career Management - Choosing a Mentor
    • Career Management - Development Planning
    • Career Management - Discomfort Is Good
    • Career Management - Freelancing and Employment Gaps
    • Career Management - Mentally Healthy Choices
    • Career Management - Mentorship Explained
    • Career Management - Post Graduate Degrees
    • Career Management - Promotion Frustration
    • Career Management - Promotions. Move out to move up
    • Career Management - Selecting Your Company
    • Career Management - Understand Yourself
    • Finances - Preparing for a Downturn
    • Finances - Retirement Saving (1)
    • Finances - Retirement Saving (2)
    • Finances - Workplace Benefits
    • Hindsight - Balance the Short- with Long -term
    • Hindsight - Embrace Learning & Your Manager
    • Hindsight - Focus at Work
    • Hindsight - Millennial Reflections
    • Hindsight - Regrets: Time, Money & Pride
    • Hindsight - Take a Career Mulligan
    • Hindsight - Take Advice Sparingly
    • Hindsight - Transition from College
    • Hindsight - Winning Nicely
    • Hindsight - Work Hard. Be Honest. Have Fun
    • Managing Up - Manager as Partner
    • Managing Up - Manage Up to Move Up
    • Managing Up - Mastering Your Manager
    • Managing Up - New Manager
    • Managing Up - Questions For Your Manager
    • Managing Up - Secret Skills of Managing Up
    • Managing Up - Yes Power
    • People & Teamwork - Be a Giver
    • People & Teamwork - Collaboration is Power
    • People & Teamwork - First Time Manager
    • People & Teamwork - LinkedIn as Networking
    • People & Teamwork - Networking Hacks
    • People & Teamwork - Networking as Relationship
    • People & Teamwork - Networking Simplified
    • People & Teamwork - Reputations Travel
    • People & Teamwork - Teamwork as Leadership
    • Sliding Doors - Decision Paths
    • Sliding Doors - Success Requires Luck
    • Speed Bumps - Chutes & Ladders
    • Speed Bumps - Layoffs & Survivors Guilt
    • Speed Bumps - Laid Off? Take a Breath
    • Speed Bumps - Layoffs. The After Life
    • Speed Bumps - Owning Mistakes
    • Work Life - American Work Culture
    • Work Life - Ask Why
    • Work Life - Be Yourself. Be Genuine
    • Work Life - Browned Out?
    • Work Life - Business Travel Guide
    • Work Life - Calendar Management
    • Work Life - Change is Certain
    • Work Life - Difficult Situations
    • Worklife - Focus on Fiyah
    • Work Life - Ghosting
    • Work Life - Help the Early Stage Professionals
    • Work Life- International Remote Working
    • Work Life - In the Zoom
    • Work Life - Mom Skills
    • Work Life - Office As A Stage
    • Work Life - Office Ghouls
    • Work Life - Pre Vacation Checklist
    • Work Life - Returning to Work
    • Work Life - Smartphones & The Office
    • Work Life - Speak Up
    • Work Life - Stage Fright
    • Work Life - Startup Glamour
    • Work Life - Stress Management
    • Work Life - Take A Walk
    • Work Life - Tasks We Hate
    • Work Life - They Quit
    • Work Life - Unlimited Vacation
    • Worklife - Vacation Overview
    • Work Life - Welcome the Newbies
    • Work Life - "Work" From Home
  • Money
    • Money - The Basics
    • Money - Saving for Retirement
    • Money - Retirement Saving
  • Library
    • Book Reviews
    • Webinar Hub
    • USA Today Columns
    • Buy Early Stage Professional
    • Bureaucracy
  • Help Center
    • Annual Reviews
    • Career Speed Bumps
    • Managing Up
    • Promotions & Career Planning
    • Stress Management