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    • Career Management - Discomfort Is Good
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    • Hindsight - Take a Career Mulligan
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    • Speed Bumps - Layoffs. The After Life
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    • Work Life - Difficult Situations
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- Wise Words -
Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts
by fergus mellon

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Mercifully I have never had experience of online dating where in this brave new world it is common to be “ghosted”.  To be ghosted is when the person you are dating cuts off all communication with you without explanation.  They disappear.  They become a ghost.

Even if we are lucky enough to have escaped ghosting in our personal lives, we are very likely to have experienced the “professional version” of it, especially if we are more than a couple of years into the workplace.

Ain’t no such thing as a Professional Ghost
Why did I put “professional version” in quotation marks?  I did it because it is not professional to ghost those we work with.  While it may be difficult to say to another person that you won’t be working with them, hiring them, signing an agreement with them etc., it is professional to let that other person know that you won’t be working with them rather than just cut off communication with an individual. 

The need to let other professionals down gently are likely to be when workers are applying for a new job or when two businesses are seeking to work with each other on a partnership and are particularly likely where one side is selling to another.  Instead of doing what is right, we can ignore the emails asking for a status and let calls go straight to voicemail. 

Poof.  We disappear and there is no response.

Don’t be afraid (of a difficult conversation)
It can feel easier to avoid that conversation where you have-to let another person down.  By avoiding the conversation, you will not feel bad and will not get any negative response or awkward questions.  It is though a short-term benefit while there are longer-term costs to you and your business’ reputation.

If it gets out (and in this connected world we should change the “if” to “when”) that you and your company string vendors or job seekers along only to drop them, do you think that others will want to do business with you?  If you are the dominant player in the space, then maybe you find there is no real drop off in applications or the number of companies that want to do business with you but they may approach a relationship with you differently.

It may be that companies invest less in building a partnership with you if they know you are a ghost.  They may give you poorer terms.  If your company regularly ghosts job seekers, while the numbers of applicants stay high, the quality may drop or you may find it harder to close the great candidates as you have a reputation that is purely transactional and disrespectful.  

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Ghost Busting
So, if we agree we should be upfront in ending a professional relationship, does this mean that there is a long “how to” list for doing it?

Not really. 
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To avoid being labeled as a ghost in your industry all you have-to do is pick up the phone or even just respond to the email asking for an update.  If there is a candidate who has invested time in your business, at least give them then courtesy of a call to say that you won’t be moving forward.  It really is that simple. 

The only piece that gets tricky is if the other person who receives your upfront “thanks but no thanks” responds poorly.  From my side, even this is something not to fear.  If the person you are doing right by and saying you won’t move forward on a business relationship doesn’t “get it” you don’t need to feel bad.  You are doing the right thing and in those instances where I have been surprised by the response, it has actually helped confirm that I made the right decision.  If someone I wanted to partner with doesn’t see that I am trying to be respectful by closing-down a conversation then I know that I made the right decision!

You ain’t seen no ghost
A couple of final things.  While ghosting is not professional, if you are on the other side of the table, don’t expect every unsolicited email you send to be answered.  That is not ghosting, that is email overload combined with the fact that the mail was unsolicited.  Just because you want to work with someone doesn’t mean they should open conversations with you!

The other piece is that if you have followed up once or twice, don’t feel that you are being ghosted.  With the issues that professionals in business have with email and meeting overload it is likely that your email may go unnoticed or just relegated down your contact’s to do list.  Don’t give up but instead vary your communication by alternating between email and phone.  Only after repeated attempts (maybe stop at four so you don’t look like a stalker) is it worth dropping it.

Don’t scare the contact who delivers the “bad” news!
Finally, if someone who you have been in talks with, is up front with you about the project going no further, don’t make the conversation more difficult than it already is.  Sure, ask for feedback but don’t try to reverse the decision and don’t start saying how you put in so much time on the discussions.  The work you put in is normal and nothing is more frustrating than listening to complaints or pleading for special treatment from the person who is doing the right thing and ending (or maybe just pausing) the conversation. 

Instead recognize that if you are being told goodbye, that the individual doing it is investing in you and values the relationship enough to put you out of your misery.  Who knows they may even come back to you in the future if the other relationship doesn’t work out.   Just make sure that when you do get dropped you don’t fall into a rebound professional relationship!


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Fergus Mellon is author of Early Stage Professional: starting off right.  He is also a digital media executive and has worked at a mix of large media companies (AOL, Gannett), start-ups (PebblePost, Meebo, Federated Media) as well as adtech (Criteo, Rubicon Project).

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In the first 5 years or so of your career?  Want actionable career advice?  Buy Early Stage Professional: starting off right, the no nonsense professional skills book designed so that everyone can succeed in the workplace!  


More Wise Words...

Achieve: Focus on Results
​
Achieve: Leading from the Start
Achieve: Small is BIG
Achieve: Take Action
Career Management: Annual Review. A "How To"
Career Management: Annual Review. As Career Plan
Career Management: Choosing a Mentor
Career Management: Careers Happen
Career Management: Career Journey
Career Management: Mentorship Explained
​
Career Management: Post Graduate Degrees
Career Management: Promotion Frustration 
Career Management: Moving up by moving out
Career Management: Selecting Your Company
Career Management: Understand Yourself
Finances: Retirement Saving (1)
Finances: Retirement Saving (2)
Hindsight: Balance the short- with the long-term
​Hindsight: Embrace learning and your manager
Hindsight: Focus at Work
Hindsight: Millennial Reflections
Hindsight: Regrets: Time, Money & Pride
​Hindsight: Take Advice Sparingly
Hindsight: Take a Career Mulligan
​
Hindsight: Transition from College
Hindsight: Winning Nicely
Hindsight: Work hard, network, be honest. Have fun too!
Managing Up: Manage Up to Move Up
Managing Up: Manager As Partner
Managing Up: New Manager
Managing Up: Questions for your manager
Managing Up: Secret Skills for Managing Up
​
People & Teamwork: Be A Giver
​
People & Teamwork: LinkedIn As Networking
People & Teamwork: Networking Hacks
People & Teamwork: Networking as a Relationship
People & Teamwork: Networking Simplified
People & Teamwork: Teamwork As Leadership
Speedbumps: Chutes & Ladders
​
Speedbumps: Laid Off? Take A Breath
Speedbumps: Layoffs. The Afterlife
Speedbumps: Owning Mistakes
Work Life: Work Culture. America vs. UK
Work Life: Ask Why
Work Life: Be Yourself. Be Genuine
​
Work Life: Browned Out?
Work Life: Business Travel Guide
Work Life: Calendar Management
Work Life: Difficult Situations
Work Life: Focus on Fiyah!
​Work Life: Ghosting
​
Work Life: Help the Early Stage Professionals
Work Life: International Remote Working
Work Life: Pre-Vacation Checklist
Work Life: Smartphones & The Office
​Work Life: Start-Up Glamor
Work Life: Stress Management
Work Life: Take a Walk
​
Work Life: They Quit
Work Life: Unlimited Vacation
Work Life: Welcome the Newbies
Work Life: "Work" from Home

Crushing It @ Work

What Time Should I Start? 
What If I am Running Late? 
Taking Vacation
Sick Days 
Working Outside Office Hours
​
How to prepare for One/Ones
Making Meetings on Time 
Business Presentations 
Social Media, Personal Email and Hanging Out on the Web
Give it Six to Nine Months to Feel @Home
Be Your-professional-self
Staying Positive

Job Search Must Do's

Resume
The Application Letter 
​
The Free Conundrum: Should You Take an Unpaid Internship?
Informational Interviews 
Taking a Shortcut: Using Your Network 
Dealing with a Low GPA
​Responding to Recruiters
The Job Interview
Interview Questions
Questions You Should Ask
Simulations 
Interviews with Other Applicants
Dealing with References
Negotiating Your Salary
How to Resign (if you already have a job)
​
The First Week
You Don't Get the Job: Getting Feedback
​Keeping Motivated Through the Search

USA Today Columns by Fergus Mellon

How to get started on LinkedIn: Do this, not that
Warning: Avoid smartphone shame at work.  Keep them out of sight
To succeed, be a Giver in the workplace, not a Taker
4 ghoulish personality pitfalls to steer clear of at the office
​
How to coach today's not so entitled Millennials as they join the rat race

Crushing IT

Money

Library

WISE WORDS

Bureaucracy

Copyright © 2016 - 2020
  • Home
  • Getting a job
    • Must Do's - Resume
    • Must Do's - Application Letter
    • Must Do's - Internships
    • Groundwork - Informational Interviews
    • Groundwork - Your Network
    • Groundwork - GPA Issues
    • Groundwork - Recruiters
    • Dealing with Rejection - Feedback
    • Dealing with Rejection - Keeping Motivated
    • Closing the Deal - The Interview
    • Closing the Deal - Interview Q's
    • Closing the Deal - Your Questions
    • Closing the Deal - Simulations
    • Closing the Deal - Group Interviews
    • Closing the Deal - References
    • Signing On - Salary Negotiation
    • Signing On - How to Resign
    • Signing On - First Week
  • Crushing It
    • The Hours - What Time Should I Start
    • The Hours - What If I Am Running Late?
    • The Hours - Taking Vacation
    • The Hours - Sick Days
    • The Hours - Working Outside Office Hours
    • Professional Skills - One/Ones
    • Professional Skills- Making Meetings on Time
    • Professional Skills - Business Presentations
    • Professional Skills - Social Media, Personal Email
    • A Level Head - Feeling @ Home
    • A Level Head - Be YourProfessionalSelf
    • A Level Head- Staying Positive
  • Wise Words
    • Achieve - Focus on the Results
    • Achieve - Leading from the Start
    • Achieve - Showcase Your Work
    • Achieve - Small is BIG
    • Achieve - Take Action
    • Achieve - Your New Job. A Plan
    • Career Management - Annual Review
    • Career Management - Annual Review Feedback Meeting
    • Career Management - Annual Review: How to Guide
    • Career Management - Career Contentment
    • Career Management - Careers Happen
    • Career Management - Career Journey
    • Career Management - Choosing a Mentor
    • Career Management - Discomfort Is Good
    • Career Management - Freelancing and Employment Gaps
    • Career Management - Mentally Healthy Choices
    • Career Management - Mentorship Explained
    • Career Management - Post Graduate Degrees
    • Career Management - Promotion Frustration
    • Career Management - Promotions. Move out to move up
    • Career Management - Selecting Your Company
    • Career Management - Understand Yourself
    • Finances - Preparing for a Downturn
    • Finances - Retirement Saving (1)
    • Finances - Retirement Saving (2)
    • Hindsight - Balance the Short- with Long -term
    • Hindsight - Embrace Learning & Your Manager
    • Hindsight - Focus at Work
    • Hindsight - Millennial Reflections
    • Hindsight - Regrets: Time, Money & Pride
    • Hindsight - Take a Career Mulligan
    • Hindsight - Take Advice Sparingly
    • Hindsight - Transition from College
    • Hindsight - Winning Nicely
    • Hindsight - Work Hard. Be Honest. Have Fun
    • Managing Up - Manager as Partner
    • Managing Up - Manage Up to Move Up
    • Managing Up - Mastering Your Manager
    • Managing Up - New Manager
    • Managing Up - Questions For Your Manager
    • Managing Up - Secret Skills of Managing Up
    • Managing Up - Yes Power
    • People & Teamwork - Be a Giver
    • People & Teamwork - First Time Manager
    • People & Teamwork - LinkedIn as Networking
    • People & Teamwork - Networking Hacks
    • People & Teamwork - Networking as Relationship
    • People & Teamwork - Networking Simplified
    • People & Teamwork - Reputations Travel
    • People & Teamwork - Teamwork as Leadership
    • Sliding Doors - Decision Paths
    • Sliding Doors - Success Requires Luck
    • Speed Bumps - Chutes & Ladders
    • Speed Bumps - Layoffs & Survivors Guilt
    • Speed Bumps - Laid Off? Take a Breath
    • Speed Bumps - Layoffs. The After Life
    • Speed Bumps - Owning Mistakes
    • Work Life - American Work Culture
    • Work Life - Ask Why
    • Work Life - Be Yourself. Be Genuine
    • Work Life - Browned Out?
    • Work Life - Business Travel Guide
    • Work Life - Calendar Management
    • Work Life - Change is Certain
    • Work Life - Difficult Situations
    • Worklife - Focus on Fiyah
    • Work Life - Ghosting
    • Work Life - Help the Early Stage Professionals
    • Work Life- International Remote Working
    • Work Life - In the Zoom
    • Work Life - Mom Skills
    • Work Life - Office As A Stage
    • Work Life - Office Ghouls
    • Work Life - Pre Vacation Checklist
    • Work Life - Returning to Work
    • Work Life - Smartphones & The Office
    • Work Life - Speak Up
    • Work Life - Stage Fright
    • Work Life - Startup Glamour
    • Work Life - Stress Management
    • Work Life - Take A Walk
    • Work Life - Tasks We Hate
    • Work Life - They Quit
    • Work Life - Unlimited Vacation
    • Worklife - Vacation Overview
    • Work Life - Welcome the Newbies
    • Work Life - "Work" From Home
  • Money
    • Money - The Basics
    • Money - Saving for Retirement
    • Money - Retirement Saving
  • Library
    • Book Reviews
    • Webinar Hub
    • USA Today Columns
    • Buy Early Stage Professional
    • Bureaucracy
  • Help Center
    • Annual Reviews
    • Career Speed Bumps
    • Managing Up
    • Promotions & Career Planning
    • Stress Management